This morning I decided to step on the scale, not something I enjoy or look forward to doing. The number I saw ... 237! This is the most I have ever weighed. Even when I was pregnant with my twins, I did not weigh this much.
Less than 4 years ago I was only 30 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was down to 177 lbs. I have now gained 60 lbs!! Ugh!!
This is the first time (season) in my life that I have had a problem with my weight. This is the first time I have not been able to maintain a healthy weight.It is so frustrating. I feel unhealthy. I look unhealthy. I am annoyed with myself when I cannot do things with my kids because of my weight.
I went back on my blog and looked at a previous post dated 12/30/10 - My BIG struggle has gotten BIGGER! The post was about my weight and how I had kept gaining. When I read it today, all I could think about was how I would be at a healthy weight right now if I had just been disciplined enough to start losing the weight back then.
I know what I have to do and I know why I am not losing weight. I lack the self-control to eat only healthy foods. I lack the discipline to get out and exercise. I am an emotional eater. When my brother took his life 8 months ago, I ate through my sadness. When we had to stop the adoption process of a sweet little boy, I ate though my sadness. Sadly my weight was one of the reasons we had to stop the process because I did not meet the BMI requirement to adopt. The reason I had gained back in 2010 was because my marriage was going through some rough patches and my way of dealing with it was through eating.
So, I've decided to put it all out there. I decided to put my weight (which is extremely embarrassing) on my blog for anyone to see. I've decided to stop pretending like people don't know that I am obese. Really, if you see me, that number would not surprise you.
Today is a new day. Today I will make better choices. There will be days that I fail, but I will not quit. Each day is a new day and a day to start over. Hopefully a year from now when I look back at this post I will be at a healthier weight. I have a specific number that I liked to see on the scale, but I am trying not to focus on it. Instead, I am gong to try to get healthier and become comfortable in my own skin. I'd just like to be healthy and active with my family.
I'll keep you posted on my journey. Please comment if you are also on a journey to a healthier you. I'd love to keep in touch and be an encouragement!