This weekend my husband is at a men's conference down in Georgia. This is the third year in a row that he has attended this conference. Each year when he attends this conference I reflect back on the year that has passed and I am amazed at how much our marriage and family has changed.
It has been said (specifically by my former pastor) that I am a strong willed person. It was that strong will that convinced my husband to attend this conference the first year that he went. I don't think he was looking forward to it, but I could be wrong. I just remember that I was looking forward to it. To be honest, I was not looking forward to it because I wanted my husband to be filled, refreshed and renewed. I was looking forward to it because I wanted him out of the house. I wanted that 36 hours to myself (not really by myself, our 4 small children were with me). Our marriage was at an all time low and I was done. Little did I know how God would use that conference as a tool to start fixing our marriage.
My husband came back from that conference a changed man. I could see it. I, however, did not admit that I could see it. I was bitter. I was broken. I didn't care that he was changing. I not only kept my wall up, but I began making it bigger. I didn't want to encourage the changes. I was used to the mess of a marriage that we had. I knew that if I kept the marriage the way it was that there was no way to get hurt because I couldn't possibly hurt anymore than I already did.
God kept working on him over the next months. He started going to a men's lifegroup that met once a week. He was reading his Bible. I could see changes. Lots of changes. What did I do with all those changes? I fought them! I didn't change. I was happy he was changing, but I wasn't going to change with him.
It took me about a year a half to start breaking down my wall. It still isn't gone, but it is drastically smaller than it was. I am a work in progress.
It is hard sometimes to look back at all we've gone through, but when I do I always end up with a smile on my face because I see God's amazing love in our marriage now. I see all the changes that have happened in our lives because we have given our marriage, children, everything over to God.
It has been said (specifically by my former pastor) that I am a strong willed person. It was that strong will that convinced my husband to attend this conference the first year that he went. I don't think he was looking forward to it, but I could be wrong. I just remember that I was looking forward to it. To be honest, I was not looking forward to it because I wanted my husband to be filled, refreshed and renewed. I was looking forward to it because I wanted him out of the house. I wanted that 36 hours to myself (not really by myself, our 4 small children were with me). Our marriage was at an all time low and I was done. Little did I know how God would use that conference as a tool to start fixing our marriage.
My husband came back from that conference a changed man. I could see it. I, however, did not admit that I could see it. I was bitter. I was broken. I didn't care that he was changing. I not only kept my wall up, but I began making it bigger. I didn't want to encourage the changes. I was used to the mess of a marriage that we had. I knew that if I kept the marriage the way it was that there was no way to get hurt because I couldn't possibly hurt anymore than I already did.
God kept working on him over the next months. He started going to a men's lifegroup that met once a week. He was reading his Bible. I could see changes. Lots of changes. What did I do with all those changes? I fought them! I didn't change. I was happy he was changing, but I wasn't going to change with him.
It took me about a year a half to start breaking down my wall. It still isn't gone, but it is drastically smaller than it was. I am a work in progress.
It is hard sometimes to look back at all we've gone through, but when I do I always end up with a smile on my face because I see God's amazing love in our marriage now. I see all the changes that have happened in our lives because we have given our marriage, children, everything over to God.
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