My BIG struggle has gotten BIGGER.

A few months back I posted on my BIG struggle.  Today I still have the BIG struggle, but unfortunately it is BIGGER. I now weigh more than I did when I was 35 weeks pregnant and delivering my twins.

It has been a rough year and unfortunately I tried to deal with it by eating.  I turned to food to comfort me.  Although it would give me a moment of comfort, shortly after I would feel even more miserable than I did before I ate.

I have recently been doing a Bible study on the book Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney.  Currently I am in the chapter discussing self-control.  I have also started reading Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa Terkeurst.

In the book Feminine Appeal the author states "Self-control doesn't just happen...Self-control requires effort.  However, development of this quality is not solely dependent upon us. We cannot acquire this virtue by our own strength.  It is only as we cooperate with the power of the Holy Spirit that we will achieve self-control".  She also states "Eating to calm our fears, alleviate stress, or overcome feelings of depression are other habits that do not glorify God.  Food is not our source of help or comfort.  God is."

In the book Made to Crave the author states "How do you grow close to God? By making the choice to deny ourselves something that is permissible but not beneficial.  And making this intentional sacrifice for the sole purpose of growing closer to God." She further states "pursuing self-control does help my heart feel closer to Jesus and more pure to receive what He wants for me each day...instead of clogged with guilty feelings for my poor choices.  But self-control is hard.  We don't like to deny ourselves."

Made to Crave is not a weight loss book.  The book makes you think about what you are craving.  Are you craving worldly things that only bring temporary comfort or are you craving God, the ultimate comforter? 

Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world.  1 John 2:15-16

I have come to realize that self-control really isn't all about me.  It is about seeking God to give me self-control.  I can't do it alone.  Anytime I try to do it on my own, I fail eventually.

I do not know what this new journey will bring.  I pray that first and foremost it will bring me closer to my Heavenly Father.  I pray that I will get self-control when it comes to my eating habits.  I pray that I will start living a healthy life not only for my own benefit but for my families benefit.  When I am this overweight and out of shape I am certainly not being the wife and mother that God made me to be.