Friday, July 1, 2011

Time to start my challenge

Today is day 1 of my Advocare 24 day challenge.  I decided to try Advocare because I needed something to help me jump start my weight loss journey.  As part of this journey I had to weigh and measure myself.  It was a horrible experience!

The Advocare 24 day challenge is what I chose to help me with my physical cleansing, but in order for my journey to be successful I am going to have to ask God to help me with the cleansing of my heart and mind.  I have many wounds that I have covered up with cupcakes and cookies.  Yum!  Cupcakes and cookies!   Okay, let's get back on track.

One thing I have learned in recent years is if you ask God for help, you better prepare yourself to receive His help.  Even as recent as a year ago I was not prepared.  I truly believe now I am prepared to dig up all of the wounds and give them over to God.  Wounds from over 30 years ago.  Wounds of things that were done to me.  Wounds of things I have done to others.  Wounds that I thought I covered so deep they would never hurt me again.

In the past week God has revealed a wound that I buried about 29 years ago.  I always knew the wound was there, but if I ever thought of it I would just cover it up with food.  I have not spoke about this wound, but when God revealed it to me I told my husband about it.  I didn't tell him all that happened, just that the wound happened.  Telling him was a horrifying experience.  What would he think of me?  What if he blames me?  What if he thinks differently of me?  I never told anyone as a child because of all those fears.  This wound has always filled me with guilt, shame, embarrassment, disappointment and just plan hurt.  It is amazing how some childhood fears and feelings stay with you through adulthood.

I cannot do this journey on my own.  I cannot dig up all these wounds without relying completely on my Heavenly Father.  Only He will get me through this journey.

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