Home with Tracy

Rain! We thought the rain would never stop. It seemed to rain every day for over a week. All the while, our lawn continued to grow and grow. When there was finally a break in the rain, the lawn seemed to stand two feet tall. Our oldest son has taken on the responsibility of mowing the lawn. He was so happy when his dad told him that he could mow on his own. He longs to please his dad. He longs to make him happy. He longs for his approval. Of course, he doesn't have to mow in order to do or receive any of those things. He has been a daddy's boy since the day he came into the world and we found out we had a son. Our son went out to tackle mowing the lawn. He had been asking me every day if he could mow and today I was finally able to say yes, that it was dry enough. He had been out there mowing for about 20 minutes when he came in for a drink. He was dripping with sweat. My heart sunk for my boy, for how difficult the task he was attempting to complete. I told him that I...

Good morning, Moms! I am sitting here with my four children, enjoying my second cup of coffee after completing my morning bible study. I am a little tired because a couple of my children kept me up a bit past my bedtime. If I am completely honest here, it was way past my bedtime. The older I get the earlier I am ready for bed. One of my daughter's came in my room three different times to tell me about the book she was reading. She has been reading a series that has, a few times, brought her to me with tears streaming down her cheeks. Last night, however, the story was ending and there was some happy moments. She simply could not wait til morning to tell me. This is the same girl who, a couple years ago, refused to read. She wanted nothing to do with reading at all. Now she gets so in to the stories that she is emotionally connected. It is great to witness this transformation in her. After my daughter went back to bed, for the fourth time, I started to drift off to sleep .......

Dear Younger Me, You are beautiful! You don't see it. I know you don't see it. When you look in the mirror, you only see the words people have used to describe you. You only see the words that the world has used to describe beauty. Both of those are false. Both are untrue. Don't listen to the words of the world. Listen to the words of Your Heavenly Father. (Welcome to the late 80's/early 90's! Big hair, permed to make it bigger, gotta have the Aqua Net, Sun In fading, roots showing, why on earth and I wearing my pants that high!)   What is true is that the One who created you, created you beautiful. Don't let anyone take that away from you. He sees your beauty. Right now you are young. You are invinsible. You are also very impressionable. You take words to heart. You try to shrug it off, but it hurts you deep down inside. Words matter to you. At this age, the majority of your days consist of you eating a Snickers bar and having a can of Mountain D...

Five years ago, when I was just starting out on our homeschool journey, I was searching, longing, begging for knowledge of what homeschooling should look like. How should I plan our day? What curriculum should I use? What age should I start my child learning to read? What age should I start my child learning handwriting? What time should I start our day? How many hours should I teach? Should I make them all sit in desks? All these questions just to find out what my homeschool should look like. So. Many. Questions! Five years later and I finally have the answer. Your homeschool should reflect your family.  It should look like you. It should look like your children. It should be an environment that you are comfortable teaching. It should be an environment where your children desire learning. There is no cookie-cutter style of homeschooling. What it shouldn't look like..... It should not look like other homeschool homes in your neighborhood. It should no...

I have written about my experience with Zaycon Fresh previously, but I wanted to share with you a little more. We recently picked up our order of ground beef. This is my first experience purchasing the ground beef and just like everything else I have purchased from Zaycon Fresh in the past, I was very pleased. Here is the description of Zaycon Fresh's ground beef: Comes fresh, never frozen! The beef cattle have a grass diet which is supplemented by grain after they reach approximately 700 pounds. 100% grown in the USA. There are no chemicals, additives or water added to meat during processing. Processed at a USDA-inspected, state-of-the-art plant employing strict operating protocols (including HACCP) and the highest in food-safety standards. Prior to processing, inspectors from the USDA Food Safety and Inspection Service randomly sample cattle under a monitoring plan and perform testing for antibiotic residues. USDA nutrition labeling standards defines "extra ...

I stand in the kitchen making my coffee and my daughter comes in to join me. I must confess, when I hear her coming, I envision her in piggy tails. I envision that I am going to need to look down to see her. I envision that I am going to need to kneel to get down to her sweet little face and look into her beautiful bright eyes. What I envision, is simply memories. She now stands up tall to my shoulders. There is no longer a need to kneel down to her level. She is almost eye to eye. She asks if she can make herself some toast. As I watched her moving around the kitchen as if it were her own, I couldn't help but remember when I used to make her toast for her. I couldn't help but remember when I first started teaching her how to prepare her own foods. Those moments flew by so fast. There is no longer a need for me to tell her how hot the toaster gets. There is no longer a need for me to help her get things out of the cupboards, she simply has to reach up to get them h...

Dear Adoptive Mom Who Didn't Adopt, It is difficult to express the loss of a child through a failed adoption. It is difficult for people to understand. But I am here to let you know that I understand. I understand your pain. I understand your loss. I have felt your heartbreak. I have cried your tears. You don't start the process of an adoption thinking the end result would be a bed that is still empty. You don't think that there will be a seat at the table that wont be filled. You don't think of all the goodnight kisses that will never be given. You don't think that you will never give comforting hugs, letting your child know you will always be there mommy. You don't start the process of an adoption thinking you will come out at the end without your child. It is difficult because the people around you may not respond to your loss. They may not realize that you are grieving the loss of that child. Your child. They may not realize that even though you never ...

Growing up, my absolute favorite side dish at Thanksgiving was stuffing. My mom would make Sage stuffing using her grandmother's recipe. It was delicious. Throughout the years that I have been preparing the Thanksgiving meal, I have added to the recipe to make it my families favorite. My husband used to like my grandmother's stuffing because she added sausage. And since I really like mushrooms, I decided to add mushrooms and sausage to the recipe. This year, I started my stuffing only to realize I could not find my Sage. Since we recently moved, I still have boxes to unpack and it is hiding .... somewhere. I told my husband that I couldn't find my Sage and he responded "It's okay. We probably wont even notice." Fast forward to dinnertime. After my first few bites, I told my husband that I thought the stuffing was good, but I could definitely tell there was no Sage. He said "I didn't want to tell you, but I can tell a difference too." Oops. I...

Let me start by saying that this "salad" is not healthy in any way, shape or form. Not. At. All! Which is why I only make it three times a year, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It may not be healthy, but it is delicious and a family favorite. It used to be that my husband was the only one who really ate the Cranberry Salad. The kids would eat a little bit when they were younger. Now, there is a race to see who gets the most. I actually have to ration it and remind everyone to share! Prepare night before - ground up cranberries, sugar and mini marshmallows The next morning, add in the rest of the ingredients. Add in cut up apples and grapes and fold in cool whip Child approved! (She loves wearing hats) Cranberry Salad 1 package cranberries 1 cup sugar 3 cups mini marshmallows 1-2 apples, cut in bite size pieces 1 cup grapes, cut in halves 1 container of Cool Whip The night before, grind up cranberries in a food pro...

As they woke up on Thanksgiving morning, they were blessed with a gift. A simple gift that was provided by God. Snow! Until recently, we have lived in Tennessee. We would get a dusting of snow, but nothing they could really play in. This is the first year they have snow pants and snow boots. When we bought their snow pants and boots, you would have thought we gave them the world. So excited! My oldest son noticed the snow and shouted with excitement. The rest of them ran to the door and more excitement ensued. They didn't want to eat breakfast, they just wanted to get on their snow gear and head outside. Yes, I told them they had to eat first.  I watched them play. I watched their simple joy. Their overwhelming joy. My youngest daughter came in and asked for a small carrot. There was not a whole lot of snow, but she managed to make a snowman (snowgirl, as she calls it, complete with a dress) and wanted a carrot nose. To her, it was amazingly fun and exciting to make her ver...

My children have been asking to put up our Christmas tree for a couple weeks. I kept saying no, it is too early. Then I came across a post on Facebook from another mother that changed my mind. She said that they put up their Christmas tree and then she explained why. She stated the she knew it was early and there would be people who disagreed with her decision. She stated that her children were young and excited. That they would only be young for a short amount of time. That post changed my thinking. My children are all now at the age where they are becoming more and more self-sufficient every day. I am already past half my time with my son and quickly coming to half my time with my other three. They will all be grown and out starting their own families quicker than I want to realize. I only have a few more years of this amazing excitement that fills our walls. I only have a few more years to fill their minds with joyful memories. They gathered the storage totes full of ornaments. ...

Homemade granola. It is simple to make, I know what the ingredients are and where they came from so I have peace of mind. The kids love it and I can always have it on hand. They eat it with fresh strawberries from our garden, with yogurt, as a trail mix with cranberries or raisins or just plain. I adapted my recipe from Lynn's Kitchen Adventure's recipe. Granola 1/3 cup brown sugar 1/3 cup coconut oil 1/2 cup honey (I use local raw honey) 1 tsp cinnamon 2 tsp vanilla 3 cups rolled oats 4 cups quick oats Combine first 3 ingredients in a pan, bring to a boil on medium heat. Remove from heat and add cinnamon and vanilla. Combine oats together in a large bowl. Pour mix over oats, mix well. Place granola mixture in two 9x13 pans. Bake at 350 for 10 mins. Turn off oven, stir granola, leave in oven for 3 hours. Super simple!

I have known for years. I have felt it in my heart. I have known it in my mind. Yet today, is when I finally found acceptance. I am a pretty logical person. I tend to see things for what they truly are, that is, except for one area in my life. My dad. My dad gave me up for a step-parent adoption when I was 5 years old. I always thought he was tricked or that he didn't really mean to do it. I mean, who could give up their daughter after being with her for the first 5 years of her life? It didn't help that my mother and adoptive father told me that I was not wanted by my dad. No child should ever be told they are unwanted. But, it was true. It doesn't make it right that they said it. It doesn't make it easy to accept. I have always been treated differently by my dad and step-mother. I always thought it was just because my dad wasn't in my life for thirteen years. I started really noticing that I wasn't really his daughter when I had children of my own. Whe...

My daughters are seven and eight years old. When they were younger, they would always want to be in the kitchen with me. I would like to say that I encouraged it, but I did not. I was always trying to just get to get things done quickly so everyone could eat. I deeply regret the way I acted. My eight year old helping me make peach cobbler. I regret that I did not encourage them to be in the kitchen with me while they were so eager to be. I regret always being in a hurry and just trying to get things done.  My seven year old making oven baked tacos. I know that there is still time to teach them. I know they are still young, but I miss the eagerness that my eight year old once had. She is slowly getting it back, the more I ask her to help out.  I regret that they saw me just trying to get things done and they didn't see the joy that being a homemaker brings me. I adore my family and preparing meals for them, maintaining the house (well...attempting) and hom...

We are in soccer season, which means two to three nights a week we are at the soccer fields until 6:30. I try to prepare meals early in the day, so they are ready when my hungry little soccer players (and my hard working husband) get home. Yesterday, I had thawed boneless, skinless chicken breasts in the refrigerator and had no idea what to do with them. I wanted to do something different. I also wanted something warm because I am coming down with a cold and something soothing sounded good. I did a search for a crock pot soup recipe that included chicken. I found this recipe. I adapted that recipe to make it more to our taste. I decided to try the stew recipe and pair it with Buttery Bread Machine Rolls from Money Saving Mom. Both were new recipes, so I was a bit nervous. Now that I have tried it, and it was a big success, I thought I'd share it with all of you. Creamy Chicken Potato Stew 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts 2 large potatoes (I used purple) cut in bit...

A year ago today I received a phone call from my grandma that my youngest brother had taken his life. He was only 26 years old. He left behind a wife, who was 8 months pregnant, and an 18 month old son. When I first heard of my brother's passing, I was filled with shock and disbelief. Since then I have gone through periods of sadness, anger and finally acceptance. As I sat at his funeral, and I saw all the people that loved him fill the room from corner to corner and out into the hall, I couldn't help but wonder if he had known, truly known, how much he was loved and how many loved him, would he have changed his mind? I kept hearing how he always had a smile on his face, that he was always happy, and that he would be the last person anyone would expect to take his own life. I don't know why he thought that taking his life was the only answer. I will never know. If you are in a place where you think suicide is the only way to relieve the pain, make you forg...

There are three things I remember from last year's birthday. All of them have to do with loss. First, all of our kids made me paper airplanes with China written on them. We were in the process of adopting Lucas. He was already in my heart and I couldn't wait to hold him in my arms. We were just getting the last paperwork together to finish up our home study and our dossier. I thought it would only be a few more months until I could see him, hold him, love him, comfort him. Second, I received a message from my youngest brother on Facebook. He asked me if it was my birthday or my husband's, since we share a joint Facebook account. I laughed because I always get his birthday and our other brother's birthday mixed up. We message back and forth a few times. It was so sweet. We didn't get to grow up together. I think it was the first time he had ever wished me a happy birthday. Third, I remember that I did not receive a phone call from my grandma to tell me happy bi...

A year ago I began my adventure in canning. I was nervous and excited all at the same time. What if I didn't can correctly? What if the jars didn't seal correctly? What if I ended up making my family sick? So many questions! I started out canning peaches. I foolishly bought 75 lbs to start. Not a good idea. I should have started with 25 lbs. I was absolutely exhausted by the time I finished and I wasted several because I didn't get take them out of the box and get them processed in time. Lesson learned. After I canned the peaches, I bought more peaches and canned again. I ended up with about 70 quarts last year. With four children, those 70 quarts didn't last long. I ended up rationing them so they would last at least nine months. After I canned both batches of peaches, I started to get some confidence. I canned pickles, green beans, stewed tomatoes, carrots, potatoes, pears, strawberry jam, grape jelly, grape juice, beef broth, chicken broth, black beans,...

I was having a discussion with my children the other day about how we have to be purposeful when it comes to joy. Unfortunately, we can easily fall into negativity, anger, bitterness. Last week the kids and I attended VBS. The motto for VBS this year was Facing Fear, Trusting God. The verse for the week was was 2 Timothy 1:7. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Growing up, I always feared my parents. This fear remained with me through my adulthood. If I would get an email from them, or a phone call, I would get a terrible pit in my stomach and I would feel sick. God used last weeks VBS to speak to me, to face my fear, to trust in Him and Him alone. He provided me courage and comfort. Last week I received an email from my mother. We have not had a relationship over the past 10 years. It is my choice and I do so because I am a better, healthier mom when I do not have contact with her or my second father. In the...

It has been a rough 9 months for me. With the unexpected death of my youngest brother by him taking his own life, to stopping the adoption process of a little boy I already had in my heart and could see in our home, to the death of my grandmother last week. I have been numb. I have been getting up in the morning with the hopes of just getting through the day and making it until bedtime. As I was driving yesterday and listening to worship music, I had a revelation come into my thoughts. I am not living intentionally. My days are not my days, they are His days and I am not living them for Him or His purpose. I have felt like I have been living in a fog. I would get up in the morning, slowly get around to get the kids breakfast, halfheartedly get them to do their chores and schoolwork, and I could not wait until lunch because I knew afterwards there would be rest time and I could get a break. A break from what, I have no idea, since I really wasn't doing anything. After rest time ...