A few days ago the whole family was leaving to go in to town to run some errands. I got everyone else fed, dressed and out the door, but I - as usual - did not eat. I decided to just grab a sugar cookie and a cup of coffee and head out the door. When I got to the van one of my daughters said "mom's eating a cookie!" I believe I mumbled something about not having the time to get myself something so I just grabbed what I could. After my response my oldest son said "mom eats cookies all day until dad gets home". OUCH! The truth that our children speak.
I always knew that I ate when others weren't around, but I always said it was because that was the only time I had to eat. Since my son blurted out that observation, I have done a lot of thinking about my eating habits. He was right. I was in denial. My kids saw it every day, but I never did... or I chose to deny it. I hide food. I hide to eat food. I usually cannot wait for my kids to take their naps because then I can go into the kitchen and eat whatever I want without anyone seeing me or asking me to share. I eat because I am bored. I eat because I am sad. I eat if I get my feelings hurt. I am a HUGE (literally) emotional eater.
My new lifestyle is going to consist of switching my cravings. God made us to crave Him, not food. It is going to be extremely difficult because as I look back on my life, I have always eaten to satisfy whatever emotion I was feeling. I need to learn self-control. I will not be able to do it alone. This is another thing that I will have to rely completely on God in order to accomplish it. I know that it will not be easy and that it will take time. Just like when God called me home to homeschool our children. I knew it would have to be through Him that I could accomplish it.
I am thankful that each day is a new beginning that God has blessed me with. Each day I can wake up and forget whatever I did wrong the previous day and pray that God help me do what is right that day.
Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. Isaiah 43:18
Lord, I pray that You guide me through this journey for I know that I cannot do it alone.