This weekend my husband is at a men's conference down in Georgia. This is the third year in a row that he has attended this conference. Each year when he attends this conference I reflect back on the year that has passed and I am amazed at how much our marriage and family has changed.
It has been said (specifically by my former pastor) that I am a strong willed person. It was that strong will that convinced my husband to attend this conference the first year that he went. I don't think he was looking forward to it, but I could be wrong. I just remember that I was looking forward to it. To be honest, I was not looking forward to it because I wanted my husband to be filled, refreshed and renewed. I was looking forward to it because I wanted him out of the house. I wanted that 36 hours to myself (not really by myself, our 4 small children were with me). Our marriage was at an all time low and I was done. Little did I know how God would use that conference as a tool to start fixing our marriage.
My husband came back from that conference a changed man. I could see it. I, however, did not admit that I could see it. I was bitter. I was broken. I didn't care that he was changing. I not only kept my wall up, but I began making it bigger. I didn't want to encourage the changes. I was used to the mess of a marriage that we had. I knew that if I kept the marriage the way it was that there was no way to get hurt because I couldn't possibly hurt anymore than I already did.
God kept working on him over the next months. He started going to a men's lifegroup that met once a week. He was reading his Bible. I could see changes. Lots of changes. What did I do with all those changes? I fought them! I didn't change. I was happy he was changing, but I wasn't going to change with him.
It took me about a year a half to start breaking down my wall. It still isn't gone, but it is drastically smaller than it was. I am a work in progress.
It is hard sometimes to look back at all we've gone through, but when I do I always end up with a smile on my face because I see God's amazing love in our marriage now. I see all the changes that have happened in our lives because we have given our marriage, children, everything over to God.