Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Cherishing A Symbol

I can no longer wear my wedding ring.  I took it off over a year ago and then I gained so much weight that I couldn't fit it back on.  Honestly, at the time I took it off,  I didn't really want to put it back on.  It had no meaning to me.

My husband and I met and married in 4 months and one week.   When we got married we were both broken.  We both had a lot of baggage that we brought with us.  In that short time of getting to know each other, we didn't discuss our brokenness.  Looking back, we weren't very smart about it.  Seriously, who meets someone and marries them in 4 months and one week!

The first six years of our marriage were the worst.  I didn't want to be in the marriage.  But I also didn't want my children to grow up with divorced parents like I did.  I think I speak for both us when I say that we weren't committed to each other.  We weren't committed to our marriage.  We weren't kind to each other.  We lived selfishly.  We didn't become one.

I clearly remember the day about 3 years ago when I sent my husband an email (my communication tool of choice) that told him I would stay married to him for the kids, but that was it.  As far as I was concerned the relationship part of our marriage was over.

Thankfully, God stepped in.  He transformed my husband first.  Which I thought was good because he was, in my opinion, the worst one in the marriage.  I thought I was already doing and being what I was supposed to be.

I was wrong.

In the past year God has shown me my faults.  My many, many faults.  He showed me my bitterness.  He showed me my lack of trust.  He showed me my hardened heart.

In the past year God has also shown me that my faults are forgiven.  He showed me that He can take away my bitterness.  He showed me that I should put all my trust in Him.  He showed me that He could heal my broken heart.

When my husband and I got married, we didn't invite God into our marriage.  But He was still there.  Whether we meant to or not, we made a commitment before God.  He sees everything.  We have to honor that commitment. 

We are both sinners.  Marriage isn't going to be easy because we are both sinners.

We didn't marry each other just for the good times.  We didn't marry each other only if there was money in our bank account.  We didn't marry each other only if we were dedicated and kind to each other.  We married each other for richer OR poorer, in sickness AND health, till death do we part.

My weight loss goal has always been to be able to fit into business suits I used to wear.  I have a great charcoal gray one that I wore with a beautiful purple, gray and white striped shirt.  It is a great suit! 

Now my life has different priorities.  Now my goal is to be able to wear my wedding ring.

When I can finally wear my wedding ring, I will have different feelings.  I will cherish it.  I will wear it knowing that I am committed to my husband and that he is committed to me.  I will wear it knowing that God is at the center of our marriage.  It will be a cherished symbol that I will proudly wear.

I can honestly say that I love my husband more now than I ever have before and that love continues to grow.  I can also say that I only have my Heavenly Father to thank.  If it weren't for His great love for me, I wouldn't have the marriage I have today.

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