Home with Tracy

Dear Adoptive Mom Who Didn't Adopt, It is difficult to express the loss of a child through a failed adoption. It is difficult for people to understand. But I am here to let you know that I understand. I understand your pain. I understand your loss. I have felt your heartbreak. I have cried your tears. You don't start the process of an adoption thinking the end result would be a bed that is still empty. You don't think that there will be a seat at the table that wont be filled. You don't think of all the goodnight kisses that will never be given. You don't think that you will never give comforting hugs, letting your child know you will always be there mommy. You don't start the process of an adoption thinking you will come out at the end without your child. It is difficult because the people around you may not respond to your loss. They may not realize that you are grieving the loss of that child. Your child. They may not realize that even though you never ...

Growing up, my absolute favorite side dish at Thanksgiving was stuffing. My mom would make Sage stuffing using her grandmother's recipe. It was delicious. Throughout the years that I have been preparing the Thanksgiving meal, I have added to the recipe to make it my families favorite. My husband used to like my grandmother's stuffing because she added sausage. And since I really like mushrooms, I decided to add mushrooms and sausage to the recipe. This year, I started my stuffing only to realize I could not find my Sage. Since we recently moved, I still have boxes to unpack and it is hiding .... somewhere. I told my husband that I couldn't find my Sage and he responded "It's okay. We probably wont even notice." Fast forward to dinnertime. After my first few bites, I told my husband that I thought the stuffing was good, but I could definitely tell there was no Sage. He said "I didn't want to tell you, but I can tell a difference too." Oops. I...

Let me start by saying that this "salad" is not healthy in any way, shape or form. Not. At. All! Which is why I only make it three times a year, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It may not be healthy, but it is delicious and a family favorite. It used to be that my husband was the only one who really ate the Cranberry Salad. The kids would eat a little bit when they were younger. Now, there is a race to see who gets the most. I actually have to ration it and remind everyone to share! Prepare night before - ground up cranberries, sugar and mini marshmallows The next morning, add in the rest of the ingredients. Add in cut up apples and grapes and fold in cool whip Child approved! (She loves wearing hats) Cranberry Salad 1 package cranberries 1 cup sugar 3 cups mini marshmallows 1-2 apples, cut in bite size pieces 1 cup grapes, cut in halves 1 container of Cool Whip The night before, grind up cranberries in a food pro...

As they woke up on Thanksgiving morning, they were blessed with a gift. A simple gift that was provided by God. Snow! Until recently, we have lived in Tennessee. We would get a dusting of snow, but nothing they could really play in. This is the first year they have snow pants and snow boots. When we bought their snow pants and boots, you would have thought we gave them the world. So excited! My oldest son noticed the snow and shouted with excitement. The rest of them ran to the door and more excitement ensued. They didn't want to eat breakfast, they just wanted to get on their snow gear and head outside. Yes, I told them they had to eat first.  I watched them play. I watched their simple joy. Their overwhelming joy. My youngest daughter came in and asked for a small carrot. There was not a whole lot of snow, but she managed to make a snowman (snowgirl, as she calls it, complete with a dress) and wanted a carrot nose. To her, it was amazingly fun and exciting to make her ver...

My children have been asking to put up our Christmas tree for a couple weeks. I kept saying no, it is too early. Then I came across a post on Facebook from another mother that changed my mind. She said that they put up their Christmas tree and then she explained why. She stated the she knew it was early and there would be people who disagreed with her decision. She stated that her children were young and excited. That they would only be young for a short amount of time. That post changed my thinking. My children are all now at the age where they are becoming more and more self-sufficient every day. I am already past half my time with my son and quickly coming to half my time with my other three. They will all be grown and out starting their own families quicker than I want to realize. I only have a few more years of this amazing excitement that fills our walls. I only have a few more years to fill their minds with joyful memories. They gathered the storage totes full of ornaments. ...

Homemade granola. It is simple to make, I know what the ingredients are and where they came from so I have peace of mind. The kids love it and I can always have it on hand. They eat it with fresh strawberries from our garden, with yogurt, as a trail mix with cranberries or raisins or just plain. I adapted my recipe from Lynn's Kitchen Adventure's recipe. Granola 1/3 cup brown sugar 1/3 cup coconut oil 1/2 cup honey (I use local raw honey) 1 tsp cinnamon 2 tsp vanilla 3 cups rolled oats 4 cups quick oats Combine first 3 ingredients in a pan, bring to a boil on medium heat. Remove from heat and add cinnamon and vanilla. Combine oats together in a large bowl. Pour mix over oats, mix well. Place granola mixture in two 9x13 pans. Bake at 350 for 10 mins. Turn off oven, stir granola, leave in oven for 3 hours. Super simple!

I have known for years. I have felt it in my heart. I have known it in my mind. Yet today, is when I finally found acceptance. I am a pretty logical person. I tend to see things for what they truly are, that is, except for one area in my life. My dad. My dad gave me up for a step-parent adoption when I was 5 years old. I always thought he was tricked or that he didn't really mean to do it. I mean, who could give up their daughter after being with her for the first 5 years of her life? It didn't help that my mother and adoptive father told me that I was not wanted by my dad. No child should ever be told they are unwanted. But, it was true. It doesn't make it right that they said it. It doesn't make it easy to accept. I have always been treated differently by my dad and step-mother. I always thought it was just because my dad wasn't in my life for thirteen years. I started really noticing that I wasn't really his daughter when I had children of my own. Whe...